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Finding My Way: A Story of Autism and Feather Boas

By Amy Gravino April 17, 2014
When I was nine or ten years old, there were moments in the afternoon when I would stop everything that I was doing and begin rummaging through my closet. Off would come the day’s clothes worn to school, and on would go a pair of pink, plastic shoes with white flowers on the toe and shiny red jewels fixed in the center, a sequined dress, sunglasses with heart-shaped magenta frames…and a pink-and-white feather boa.

After everything was arranged on my body just so, I carefully walked down the tan shag carpet-covered steps to my parents in the kitchen, where—after making my grand entrance—they were loudly informed that they were now in the presence of the world-famous, fabulous movie star known as Julie McVay.

It was my dream then to become an actress, but elementary school gave way to junior high, and I was made painfully aware of my undesirable appearance thanks to constant reminders from my peers. I resigned myself to being too ugly to become an actress, and quietly put that dream away.

But somewhere deep down—somewhere I didn’t even know about—a new dream began.

Growing up in a small town, you find the corners of your map very quickly. Port Jeff Cinemas on Route 112; Carnival Pizzeria on 347; the shell-strewn low tide sands at the end of East Beach; and the thick rope under my fingers at the edge of Danford’s pier in the harbor. Little safe places that were carved out in my mind, and when my parents took me anywhere, I automatically sought those places out, desperate for a refuge from the anguish I felt in school as a child that didn’t belong.

When the time came, I left that town as quickly as I could, wanting a change and a chance to be who I really was. Life and its many misadventures began to shape me: College, having my first boyfriend, moving across the country, getting my heart broken, then coming back East and going to and successfully completing graduate school. Through it all, I found my voice; the voice of a woman on the autism spectrum who was not defeated or crushed by what she’d experienced growing up, but bolstered by it, and determined to make a difference for those who are now walking her well-tread path.

For so long, I was afraid to go home again, convinced that even those little safe places wouldn’t be enough. But I soon realized that my childhood dream had come true: I am a fabulous movie star, in a story that I wrote. I walk with my head held high and a little sparkle in my eye…and sometimes I can still feel the feather boa around my neck.

The corners of the map are long dissolved, and now home is no longer the place I want to leave, but the place that made me who I am. It is where I can go back to be a voice for children and young adults on the autism spectrum and help them make their own dreams come true.



Amy Gravino is an autism advocate and public speaker, and the president of A.S.C.O.T. Coaching, an organization that offers college coaching, consulting, and public speaking services. She is the author of The Naughty Autie, a soon-to-be-published memoir of her experiences with dating, relationships, and sexuality as a woman on the autism spectrum. Amy has also presented with Dr. Peter Gerhardt on the subject of autism and sexuality, and bills herself as the “Dr. Ruth of the Aspie world.” Amy is also a member of the GRASP Board of Directors, the Communications Committee of Autism Speaks, and the Daniel Jordan Fiddle Foundation’s self-advocate advisory board. For more information about Amy and/or A.S.C.O.T. Coaching, please visit her website at www.AmyGravino.com and her fan page on Facebook at www.facebook.com/AmyGravinoFanPage


In support of Autism Awareness Month, Port Jefferson Macaroni Kid is featuring a variety of articles that are written by Parents of children with Autism, and education and medical professionals that will all address their personal experiences with Autism Disorder. These articles are solely the expressed ideas of the author in order to spread awareness and promote acceptance of those with Autism and those who love someone with Autism. They are not intended to give medical or professional advice.